A space to grow.


Mitch and Lewis, two dudes. Always down to chill and act more stupidly. They just really want some recognition. Take note.. you have been recognized.

Lyrics from the song of my summer 2009. Still relevant.
"The closest thing to me at heart, is the furthest thing away to touch"

My optimism is simultaneously the most difficult and rewarding thing about me.

My head is so fucking clouded. Second guessing everything. I've never felt stupid for being optimistic, but right now I feel like fool. How wonderful, how fucking great would it be if something changed. Just once.

You can only hope for the same thing for so long, sometimes its just too hard to keep forcing yourself to swallow feelings that want to consume you. I will never escape this. Trapped.

When it rains it pours.
No...when it rains its a fucking monsoon destroying everything in its path.

Consisted of me playing with sparklers with two of my best friends, results shown below.

The worst feelings are the ones you have no control over. The ones that you have no understanding of. The kind of feelings that you would do anything to get rid of or forget about but they cling to you like a fucking vine. The type of feeling that consumes your entity and affects everything you are. Do you lose yourself to it or do you try and push away what your mind won't let you forget. Better yet, are you stronger if you forget it or embrace it?
Suppose some of these things just take some time to pass, or maybe they never do and they change everything thing you ever believed to be true up to that point.
Maybe all you can do is follow your gut, because thats the realest thing you have. It is either your last choice or your lost chance. Fuck it.

Spending time with old friends is the best. On a side note.. I got season three of dragon ball z. I'm just going to go ahead and have a little marathon in my basement. THAT is what I call a good Saturday night :)

"With you I have zero strength, theres no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries no lengths."

I am so beyond excited to spend time with one of the greatest friends I have ever had the opportunity of meeting. SO excited :).

I like to drive and to boogy. Combining the two however........that doesn't work for me.

My best friend has officially started designing my first tattoo! I've been thinking about about what I wanted for a long time, and I've finally settled.

Dream-catchers (? spelling) are significant to me in so many ways. The most prominent reason for me getting this tattoo is so I never forget to pursue my dreams. Although Dream-catchers usually represent the catching of nightmares etc, the tangled web and colours represent more beauty to me then anything else. There is nothing more beautiful, and nothing that means more to me then staying true to myself and never forgetting or giving up on my dreams.
I know a lot of people think its dumb to get a tattoo at such a young age because you will "grow out of it" meaning you won't like it ten years from now. Thankfully I am not trying to please the me ten years from now, this represents me as I am right now, and what is significant to me at this particular time in my life. If the me ten years from now is so lame that I stop liking my own (meaningful) body art...then future me sucks.

.. Hopefully we'll also be able to work in some lyrics from my favorite band and I can love this tattoo for the rest of my fucking life. Fuck yeah.

I hate everything right now.

Have you ever just wanted to mow the lawn so badly? No? Well... I do, the only thing thats stopping me is...nothing brb mowing the lawn.

My turn.

Its the coolest thing when you go to sleep feeling shitty, but then have the best dream ever and wake up stoked. That was my night last night. What a blasty blast.

The only thing that matters. The only thing that ever mattered was following my heart. I intend to do just that.
Never give up on what you heart wants, who your heart wants.

I bet I'm not number one on your list to kiss, but please understand.

"Don't be so amazing or I'll miss you too much"

I wish there was a more elegant way of saying I miss you.
But for a lack of a better phrase,
I miss you.

I actually have put so much time and faith into my dream board. Out of all of it there is one that stands out to me, and I will make the same wish a million times until it comes true. And if it doesn't.. then I don't know what.

Quit or persist...

My heart is going to fucking implode. I do this to myself.

Persistence. Without it I have nothing I suppose.
I want something, and I will never give up on it. That doesn't mean I have to be ruthless, it means I can wait, it means I can be hopeful. It means I will wait, and that I'm okay with that, even if it is difficult and there are days that I think otherwise. Good things are always worth the wait.

"I watch as the light slides across your face, highlighting every skin cell, showing only good as my mind airbrushes away the blemishes of youth and the hardness of your crystal blue eyes. My mind focuses my eyes to see only you, building you up and creating a relationship that nether of us will ever experience. I live for the moments when your eyes gaze at me unintentionally. For weeks that turn to months I live with you, glazed over my pupils. I fall asleep hoping that your mind strays to me. I see you in everything."

We are so fucking young. I won't settle down until my body stops working.
You can disagree, relationships end, friendships end, everything ends. But who and what matters most remains unchanged. Thats what matters. Following your heart matters. I'm not afraid.

Need to get out of this funk. Serious.

I think today I'll just take it easy, stay positive, add on to my dream board. And smile, through everything.

"I was always in a way just a long shot, I was never in the clear of that. I am lucky just to be a potential. But I will always make a mess of that. "

i wouldn't mind a kick in the face right now...or a hug, whatever comes first.

Forget it. Chasing the unobtainable will get me nowhere. Too far gone. I fucking suck.


"Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are."
-Markus Zusak (I Am the Messenger)

Incomparable to any other friend I have had. I think I might cry the next time I see you.

It has been too long since I've last blogged. Less than a week but I felt weird not being on here. A lot has happened in these past couple of weeks.

There have been some incredibly difficult days, but that is perfectly fine. It is days like those that make me appreciate all of the incredible people and experiences in my life so much more.

The good and the bad balance each other out. The negative experiences force us to remove the cover from our eyes to see all the good right in front of us.
Sometimes we spend so much time searching for something to be happy about that we are blinded from the things that have always been there. Be grateful, always.

"So may the sunrise bring hope where it once was forgotten
Sons are like birds, flying upward over the mountain"


Forgiveness is such a powerful thing. But we are all so fixated on revenge and our anger that we push the thought of it way out of our minds. Our pride often gets the best of us and thats the sad reality.

Forgive those who don't deserve it, forgive those who do. Your life will be infinitely better.

Summer is right around the corner. It will be the most incredible thing to just relax and spend time with all of my closest friends.

"You just want to get you sexual needs fulfilled, don't you? "
"Sometimes I pretend my left hand is another person..."

Matthew 7:3
Matthew 7:3

read this and then judge me..

"Why do you notice the small piece of dust that is in your brother's eye, but you don't notice the big piece of wood that is in your own eye? Why do you say to your brother, 'Let me take that little piece of dust out of your eye'? Look at yourself first! You still have that big piece of wood in your own eye." You are a hypocrite. First, take the wood out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly to take the dust out of your brother's eye."

No amount of ugly words can diminish what I have achieved, and the happiness I feel. It cannot be taken from me, because I will not allow it to be.
You create how you feel and how you behave.
You created it only you can destroy it.

"You can look all over but you will never find..
hot shit like mine, it will blow your mind"

"Its not the hand you're dealt, its how you play your cards"
Such a small statement contains so much truth. The 'hand you're dealt' can translate into so many different things, good or bad. It can be people belittling you, underestimating you, judging you. It can be people loving you, and admiring you, it can quite literally be anything. But it does sum it all up quite nicely it is how you PLAY your cards.
You can have a thousand voices in your ear whispering words of hate and failure. But as long as the only voice you listen to is your own..and you push on and make the best of what you have, you will overcome. You will overcome any obstacle that is placed in your way, you will prove everyone who judged you wrong. That is what makes everything worth while, the satisfaction that you bring yourself ... the type of satisfaction that only you can create.

Remember this. Persevere. Overcome.

"Open up your heart and you will understand me"

I am surrounded by so many people around me that aren't spiritual in any way, which is truly a 180º difference from myself. I was asked the other day "Doesn't that bother you? to have friends that think your beliefs are useless?"

This question wasn't as hard for me to answer as I thought it would be, because I am actually so thankful for these people. Not because they have different beliefs then mine, but because in a way..we are the same. Strongly connected to something we believe in so passionately. Whether it is believing in the existence of God, or the exact opposite of that. I would rather have friends that stick to their beliefs(or disbeliefs) then ones who are on the fence with it all the time.

Anyways, this post is basically dedicated to thankfulness.
I am thankful for all of my friends, the ones I see everyday, and the ones I see every couple of years, if I have ever called you a friend, I love you.
I am thankful for my school and everybody in it, because they have inspired me to be better.
Mostly I'm thankful for my family, because there is nothing better then unconditional love.

I am damaged, and imperfect and I am human. Since I am damaged, I am dangerous,
because I know that I can survive.

Struggling and suffering is inevitable, it is what makes us human. How we deal with these things is what makes us who we are. Who do you want to be?
Being an optimist is quite possibly my greatest blessing.

Unfourtunately we are surrounded by people, some who may even be friends, that possess a 'greater than thou' attitude. Now whether these people act like this because they actually believe it, or they are trying to cover up their insecurities is beyond me, but it does not make this any less irritating.

These people are the hardest to love and the hardest to tolerate, but I truthfully believe they need our love the most. Even if its fucking tough, we can bring positive change. (hopefully)

I am so fucking inspired. To do anything. I want to have a good time, good friends and a good heart. Everything seems so obtainable, this is a great place to be.

We are endlessly consumed with the wrong type of things. We need to feel more. I don't want to feel numb. I want to feel every fucking thing around me. Be it sadness, anger, happiness,rage, love. Whatever, I want to feel it. Because that is what makes us human, and that is what allows us to grow. You are your biggest enemy, your own negativity is what holds you back. So stop over analyzing every stupid thing around you and start living. Start feeling something.

I think we came as romans is the only band I can listen to consistently and not get sick of. Plus I want their lyrics tattoo'd on me. Best.

I have so many dreams. It is truly senseless for anybody to try and talk me out of something I have my heart set on. Your insecurities will not hold me back. I am comfortable with everything that I am, and everything I aspire to become. Live to love. Live to dream. Push the fuck on, through everything. Our trials and tribulations are what give us our strength, believe that.

I'm painting. Painting,blazing, inspired. Fuck it.

"I learn to follow my instinct, blinded by the light rather that than the evil"

Never give up on what you believe in. You are only as strong as you allow yourself to be, there are no limits except the ones that you make for yourself. Persevere and you will succeed, you are a beautiful person, and you can accomplish anything. Fuck the critics, listen to your gut and follow your heart.

Every single human being has potential. A destiny. But at the end of everything, we make our own fate, we either live up to our potential, or we don't. Constantly settling for less then we deserve with no logical reasoning behind it. Why settle? Is it fear or is it self doubt? We give too much of a fuck about things that are not worth the time. Who you become is in your hands, think about it.

Recognize your worth. Never settle.

"i strive to speak what i have learned and learn from those i see.
to step out of this life is my ambition.

Could not have said it better myself..

I find myself to be more and more motivated each and everyday. It is beyond exciting, I am ready for whatever comes my way. On a side note, no sleep. I can't remember what it feels like not to be tired.

I put my heart into everything I do. Nothing less, ever. Proving myself until my last fucking breath. Fight until forever.

Two wrongs do not make a right. But two negatives make a positive.
That is how I look at the hurtful things that are done to me. I will not be brought down for long. Because something good comes out of the bad, always. You can try me and test me, but you will not break me. Never give up, always smile. Optimist.

I found a quote that can quite literally sum up everything I want to do and be. Simple.
"I want people to feel an immediate happiness

and cheerfulness when they are around me, to make a difference in someone’s life.
I want to make an impression in someone’s life,
so that even though I may be delicate and fragile,
my footprints are permanent
within the hearts of the ones I've touched.

When "I miss you" is said to me, it sometimes can also be loosely translates into "I'd like to use you briefly, so I'm saying 'I miss you' so I have an excuse" Make sense? because it doesn't make much to me..

I think I am more misunderstood then I thought. I am passionate, inspired and loyal. But I will never stop trying to better myself. I want to be the best possible person God will allow me to be.

I honestly hope that I am a good person in other peoples eyes. I know everything is about perception. What is black to you, is white to another. I do not want to be perceived by someone as something I am not...

The support that I've been getting from my friends has been really fucking cool. There is nothing like knowing there are people who want to help you, and who want you to succeed.

There needs to be more kind people like that. I hope you never forget that one act of kindness goes a long way. You have no clue what kind of wars the people around you are fighting against themselves or behind closed doors. Try being nice. Just try it, I promise you your life will be a lot more fulfilling.

Kind words and kind actions can change the world. Think about that.

I need more confidence if I want to get anywhere with anything.

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